Washington DC - (Ass Mess): The Situation Comedy Room in the White House's West Wing - where US presidents notoriously make love and war, is being given a facelift.
Designed with help from Nancy Reagan's astrologer, many incumbents have called it "essentially oppresive" due to its plethora of high-tech Gadgets of State including the Presidential taser-strength cattle-prod, the Polygram Truth Detector and the purpose-built easy chair which plugs in handily into the mains supply at the flick of a whip.
It was here in these very rooms that some believe that hystery was made when UK Prime Monster Tony Blair drafted his seminal Yellowcake Uranium dodgy dossier after a little help from the West Wing's recovered memories adviser and a glass or two of the in-house specially-formulated healing crystals spa water.
Capitol Hill insiders have noted that one or two of the now mutilated fixtures and fittings are largely nostalgia pieces left over from Ronnie Raygun administration's kitsch collection of Thatcher teasers, such as fingernail and pubic hair fragments embedded in the rooms' flock wallpaper.
The suite's extensive facelift will be ready by the New Year and will include - at last - an internet connection to replace the crystal balls and tarot cards that were traditionally associated with previous Administrations.
But a few timeless pieces are sure to stay - including a life-size portrait of General Pinochet, a bag of Bay of Pigs pork scratchings and a signed photograph from a beaming Yasser Arafat pictured receiving that Santa Monica Lewinsky cigar that reputedly went mysteriously missing....