Written by Breeze
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Topics: Army, Soldier

Wednesday, 20 December 2006

image for Man sues army after buttocks are removed
Pte Parts' bum left its mark in the Iraq desert

A Newcastle man, who was wounded in the buttocks whilst serving in Iraq, is to sue the army for damages. Bob Parts, 32, told our reporters, "I joined the army to have a career and see the world. Nobody said anything about being shot."

Private Parts had turned down the opportunity to dig ditches for a living after he was seduced by an army recruitment video.

"My career advisor told me that the army needed canon fodder and I was perfect for the job. Now I don't know what canon fodder is but it sounded like a great life."

At first everything went well and Bob soon settled into the rigors of army life.

"We did a lot of running and jumping at the start, which was ideal for me as I did running and jumping at school, in fact I was top of the regiments running and jumping team." said Bob.

Things soon turned sour, however, when Bob was handed a rifle and live ammunition.

"I couldn't believe it, " he said, "I told the sergeant, I said, you could have somebody's eye out with this."

Things got worse when Bob was sent to Iraq and shot in the buttocks by his own troops.

"Well, it was an accident waiting to happen wasn't it." he told us from his hospital bed, "I mean you play about with guns and explosives and there's bound to be an accident isn't there? I just don't know what the army were thinking about. It's a fucking disgrace."

Sadly Bob had to have his buttocks removed after infection set in and he now plans to sue the army for negligence.

"I'll fight this all the way to the European Court of Justice if I have to," said Bob sadly, whilst balancing on his army issue rubber ring. "

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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