Written by StubbornGorilla
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Thursday, 16 November 2017

In preparation for the 2018 election, former movie mogul Harvey Weinstein moved his personal residence to Alabama and expressed keen interest in becoming the state's next Governor. The move surprised many, as Weinstein never showed much interest in politics beyond checking out Sarah Palin's Miss Alaska Pageant photos.

When asked about his sudden shift in focus Weinstein explained, "I felt that I had executed every position I could behind the scenes in the movie business, and needed a new venue to pursue some new opportunities."

He was also asked why he would begin a political career by going after such a high position rather than a lower office to gain some experience, "I have Executive Producer in my blood, and I think Governor is about on par with the position and power that I am used to. Being something crummy like a Senator or Congressman, just screams line producer or grip. I have always made other people work my line and grip for me."

Experts have questioned his viability as a candidate in a red state when he is a well known Hollywood bigwig with serious sexual misconduct claims and possible legal action pending against him, to which he replied, "I found Jesus."

Weinstein went on to explain that he would be running as a Republican, and take a hard conservative stance on all issues. "I pledge to make sure that everyone has to read the Bible or go to jail. I also plan to legalize the use of bionic cannon arms for anyone who wants to defend themselves against individuals of questionable ancestry. We will build a wall around Alabama that will keep out all the bad people and we'll hold daily prayer vigils to ensure that no fake news about global warming or other liberal agenda nonsense ever sways the will of our good God loving representatives."

Skepticism was high due to pictures of Weinstein hobnobbing with the Clintons to which he responded, "I used to be in movies, so I know that you keep your friends close, but your enemies closer. I was just waiting for her to make a mistake, so that I could lock her up!"

To sway anyone else who still did not totally buy into his intentions, Weinstein declared, "To prove my commitment I will be getting a tattoo of the Ten Commandments backwards on my chest, so that every time I look at myself in the mirror, which is about five hundred times a day, I will be reminded that thall shalt not.. fight and all of that other important stuff!"

Early polls show that 52% of conservatives would strongly consider voting for Weinstein based on what he said, while another 27% that would "wait until after he got the Ten Commandments tattoo" to make their decision.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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