Written by JennyNorthStar
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Tuesday, 17 October 2017

image for Hillary Clinton Breaks Toe Kicking London Reporter

London, England - "Hillary's Pity Party - I'm Unapologetic and still Relevant Tour" continues on unabated - now torturing the people of Europe. Yes, Hillary Clinton's "What Happened" never ending book tour, 30 plus days and counting, is still going on... and on... and on... Many have speculated that if Hillary Clinton had spent as much time campaigning for president as she is trying to hock her new book, she would have easily beaten the Trumpster.

The people of the UK are Hillary's latest victims. On Monday, speaking at Southbank Centre's London Literature Festival, she continued to blame sexism and misogyny as her top 1,001 excuses for losing the presidential election. Both Trump and Vladimir Putin clearly in her crosshairs. She said of Mr. Putin: "He doesn't like women very much - or at least that's my impression and Trump is his 'puppet'. Trump is still trying to please Putin. He likes that whole authoritarian thing - you know, the bare chest. I think that's his aspiration." Hillary went on to say: "As a woman, I'm offended by that masculine bare chest thing and believe many people didn't vote for me because they said they didn't want a president with saggy breasts."

Hillary continued her tirade about sexism and said she was thankful to be in Europe where women world leaders have the respect and appreciation they deserve. She talked about Chancellor of Germany Angela Merke, UK's Prime Minster Theresa May, and Queen Elizabeth II. She confessed: "Although I admire Queen Elizabeth II, Queen Elizabeth I (1558 -1603) has always been my true role model. She ruled England they way it and the U.S. should be - with absolute female power. I needn't remind you what happened to men who disagreed with Queen Elizabeth I? Or, should I? Off with their heads!" After thunderous applause from the primarily female audience, Hillary lamented: "The world is a little more civilized these days, but for those bastards Putin and Trump, if I were in power, I'd be aiming a lot lower."

Hillary was on a roll at the London Literature Festival, until an interviewer asked the inevitable question: "Did Bill's sexual escapades, impeachment, and affair with Monica Lewinsky have any effect on you losing the election?" Just the mention of the name "Monica" turns Hillary into a raving maniac. She turned beet red, started gasping for air and it was obvious some scuffle had taken place under the table where the two were sitting. The male interviewer tried to maintain his composure, but it was obvious he was in great pain after being kicked under the table by Hillary.

The injury caused Hillary to cancel several London interviews on Monday. She was several hours late for filming with Graham Norton for his BBC One show where she appeared on Graham's couch wearing a large moonboot to protect her injured foot. When asked about the mishap, Hillary quickly made up the story: "I was running down the stairs in heels with a cup of coffee in hand, I was talking over my shoulder and my heel caught and I fell backwards."

Clinton continued, going on to say she received "excellent care" from the U.K.'s publicly funded healthcare system. A spokesperson at the medical facility where Hillary was treated said: "He didn't know why Hillary requested extra steel plates to be installed around the toes of Hillary's cast, but that's the reason why the protective moonboot was so big." I suppose with Hillary's new foot weapon any journalist who has the audacity to ask any more embarrassing questions won't be standing up again.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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