Written by Dante Liberatore
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Topics: Politics, Corruption

Monday, 2 October 2017

image for A New Chair Helps Politicians Avoid The Issues

IKEA introduced a new chair yesterday specifically designed to help Washington, DC politicians pivot to another topic when asked an important question they have absolutely no intent on answering.

And the chair, a Highback Evasion Elite, can easily do the job via built-in lumbar support to assist those without a backbone, a tilt-tension adjustment knob that makes the most egregious side-stepping seem effortless and dual wheel casters that makes gliding past relevant issues a breeze.

President Trump, the first politician to take delivery of the new Highback Evasion Elite, was highly pleased with the new chair.

"When a totally fake news guy asked me why the republicans cannot come together on Health Care," Mr. Trump said while pinching Andrea Merkel, "..the Highback Evasion Elite allowed me to seamlessly segue into the launching of Trump Pantyhose for Business - a specially designed stocking to make a woman unbelievably sexy and totally competitive at the same time."

Democratic Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi was also delighted with the new chair from IKEA.  

"Supplanting uncomfortable issues by emphasizing something favorable has never been easier ever since I got my hands on a Highback Evasion Elite", Mrs. Pelosi said. "..because when a reporter pressured me to answer why the democrats have not been able to provide a tax cut for working families, the new chair permitted me to seamlessly skirt towards why I think San Francisco should pass a city ordinance that would allow civil unions for gay cats." 

Lastly, Speaker of the House Paul Ryan offered additional praise for the Highback Evasion Elite.

"When recently asked why I haven't distanced myself from the erratic behavior of President Trump, my new chair allowed me to smoothly wiggle towards talking about the 10% increase in Wisconsin's cheese output. So in the end," the Speaker added. ".the new Highback Evasion Elite redefines the game of 'dodgeball', and I'm never going to sit anywhere else again." 

Currently, IKEA is sold out of the new Highback Evasion Elite, but the company is building a $4.7 billion dollar plant in nearby Arlington, VA to meet the outrageous demand for the chair. 

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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