Written by Dante Liberatore
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Thursday, 28 September 2017

image for A New Broom Easily Sweeps Up Presidential Messes
A White House aid utilizing the XL-5 Miracle Broom

The Rubbermaid Corporation unveiled its new XL-5 Miracle Broom yesterday, a sweeping device specifically designed to quickly cleanup the most stubborn messes left behind by President Trump. 

And the broom is fit for the job, thanks to a 28" sweeping radius that entraps 99.9% of all presidential blunders (such as Mr. Trump claiming John McCain was not a war hero), soft outer bristles that wipe away finer gaffes (like the President saying he would date his daughter Ivanka if he could) and sturdy inner bristles that remove major grime (like the Commander-in-Chief saying Barack Obama had illegally surveilled Trump Tower).

White House Press Secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders was practically in love with the new and exciting cleaning product.

"I cannot believe how much easier life is ever since I got my hands on a Rubbermaid XL-5 Miracle Broom," she said while sweeping up after President Trump said "The Roman Emperor Nero was the true hero of The Battle of 1812. "And furthermore," Miss Sanders added, "I may use the broom for myself the next time I say something stupid like 'Donald Trump has a great deal of respect for women'".

Presidential Counselor Kellyann Conway was also dazzled by the new product from Rubbermaid.

"I really love the natural grip of the broom handle," she stated while happily (and quite effectively) sweeping up the Commander-in-Chief's recent comments about Neo Nazis. "But more importantly, when Mr. Trump confused the Gaza Strip with the Vegas Strip and said the Palestinian Territory could enjoy economic growth via 'Super Jackpot' slot machines, my trusty XL-5 Miracle Broom swept away the idiotic soot left over - leaving no moronic grit for the liberal media to rummage through the next day."

South Carolina Senator Lindsey Graham echoed Miss Conway's praise.

"This broom is stylish, lightweight and the perfect addition to a Trump presidency," he said while effortlessly brushing away the
imbecilic gunk on the floor courtesy of Mr. Trump suggesting that waterboarding would be less painful if the CIA used Dasani. "And there's finally something that both sides of the isle in Congress can happily agree upon, and that is the Rubbermaid XL-5 Miracle Broom really works."

Rubbermaid CEO Michael B. Polk was especially proud of his company's new broom.

"We needed to make a sweeper that could handle a brand of 'out-to-lunch' crud no other cleaning device could manage," he said. "And we met our goal when President Trump said 'The hawks in Congress must have their talons trimmed on a regular basis', and the next day no one could recall the cockamamy statement." 

When not in official use, any XL-5 Miracle Brooms not in use to clean up President Trump's messes will be utilized by Hillary Clinton to fly around Washington, DC.    

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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