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Wednesday, 27 September 2017

image for Man who declared knife "fake weapon" shocked that it could still stab him.
"That would really smart if I believed in knives."

Following in the now popular trend of calling things you don't like "fake" to discredit them, Seattle Convenient Store Clerk, Fred Nunchenhausen declared the knife of a would be robber fake during an armed robbery. Although, Mr. Nunchenhausen was able to prevent the robbery, he was stabbed in the process.

"I'm not sure went wrong," Fred stated. "I called the knife fake, so I'm not sure how the jerk was still able to cut me with it."

The very idea that there is some sort of empirical reality that doesn't give a rats ass if you want to acknowledge it or not appeared completely lost on the recovering store clerk."At first I thought maybe I just didn't say it loud enough, so when I yelled fake knife
but he was able to stab me again I knew something was wrong!"

"I don't understand," he continued, "it's like waking up one morning and discovering the sun doesn't revolve around this flat earth."

Fred's doctor was able to convince Fred not to to declare his injury a "fake wound" and keep it cleaned and dressed appropriately, but it took some doing.

"I was just about to yank out the stitches and tell that thing to go away, but the doc promised me a case of Red Bull if I just let it go for a couple of days."

Fred was still recovering from a previous incident that involved his car and a "fake" brick wall, but his doctor believes he should make a full recovering barring any more run-ins with inconvenient reality.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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