Written by Matt Birkenhauer
Rating:
Share/Bookmark
Print this

Sunday, 24 September 2017

image for After Hurricanes Harvey, Irma, Maria, and the Earthquake in Mexico, God to Attend Anger Management Classes
"When did religion become so damn SENSITIVE?"

HEAVEN--CNN reported today that God, after an intervention by Mary, Jesus, the Twelve Apostles, and Mother Theresa, will be attending anger management classes after his recent temper tantrums have devastated parts of the United States, the Caribbean, and Mexico.

Said CNN's celestial correspondent, Angel Encarnación, "My sources tell me that God will be attending group therapy sessions, along with Allah, Shiva the Destroyer, and a handful of other minor deities who, apparently, have had anger issues over the past several years. Furthermore, according to those same sources, the group therapy sessions will be led by Nelson Mandela."

According to Encarnación, God had entered anger management classes in the last century--after WW 1, WW 2, and in the 1990s, the genocide in Rwanda, but apparently the election of Donald Trump in 2016 pushed Him over the edge, leading Him to unleash on humans the recent hurricanes and the earthquake in Mexico. In fact, God was heard to shout at St. Peter at one point, "How could they so completely fuck up this beautiful planet I gave them? I knew I never should have granted them free will!"

If God refuses to attend the anger management group therapy sessions, Encarnación said that some aids close to the Heavenly Father say that they may have to take away from Him some of His omnipotence, including his power to launch hurricanes and cause tectonic plates to grind against one another.

At the intervention called to stop God from devastating large parts of the planet, one unnamed source who attended said that God was heard to complain, "Back in the Old Testament days, I could flood the whole world and firebomb cities and nobody batted an eye. When did religion become so damn sensitive?"

Make Matt Birkenhauer's day - give this story five thumbs-up (there's no need to register, the thumbs are just down there!)

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!


More by this writer

View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story

Share/Bookmark

Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Email:

What's 1 plus 4?

3 14 7 5
85 readers are online right now!

Go to top

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more