Written by Mike Peril
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Tuesday, 5 September 2017

image for Mafia Family Members Major in Turf Management
Grass is always greener

New York City, NY - Local universities reported an uptick in popularity in Turf Management Studies, particularly for college applicants with Italian-American backgrounds.

Students who major in turf management learn how to maintain the turf on sports fields and at golf resorts. However, Mafia families with children majoring in Turf Management do not accept the "official" university description of their major.

"Sure, turf management is just the study of grass and nothing more. As in, your grass is ovah here and my grass is ovah there," noted the father of Paul C. Gambino, Jr., a recent UConn graduate from New York City.

Some see this trend as possibly ending gang violence in big cities, including Baltimore, Washington D.C. and Los Angeles.

One university spokesperson, who asked to not be identified, agreed. "The proof is in the pudding, or I should say cannoli cream. If Mafia families can study Turf Management and succeed, we see it as a great alternative for our troubled inner city youth."

One university cautioned that tuition can be high. "We accept credit cards, but there are many very local resources where students can get high interest loans. Often those lenders make payments in a brown paper bag. And no, despite repeated requests, we don't exchange cash for grass samples."

"Let's just say I too have been very successful with my studies in turf management. I'm so proud of my son Paulie," added Mr. Gambino Sr.

For more information about this major, contact mike _peril@aol.com

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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