Written by Aspartame Boy
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Tuesday, 4 July 2017

image for Granite counter tops no longer in fashion
It's hard to read these epitaphs

Emmaus, PA - Once the height of fashion, granite counter tops are going the way of the Studebaker. What's in fashion now, according to Ms. McBoobay, Emmaus real estate agent, are the old counter tops that were in during the 1990's. The cheap old composite counter tops are back in style. How dreary.

This means there are a lot of granite counter tops to be picked up off the curb by trash pickers, reports Mr. Schmell Lee, driver with the sanitation department in Emmaus. He says there are always a few on every garbage run.

Perhaps the strangest wrinkle in this story is reported by Mr. Harry Gool, undertaker at the graveyard on 16th Street. Some of the most recent headstones planted in the yard are actually recycled granite counter tops with an epitaph crudely carved by the loved-ones survivors. Ah if only Dickens were alive to see such poverty.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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