Written by Purple Girl
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Topics: Names, towns, anuses

Tuesday, 20 June 2017

image for City of Anus fights to change its name
The City of Anus reminds everyone to get a colon checkup.

Citizens of the City of Anus are fighting to change their city's name. "We're tired of our town literally being the butt of jokes," says Jennifer Larken, a citizen of Anus.

According to Paul Jones of Anus, "I guess we all know where the founder's head was when they named this city."

Mayor John Davis quips, "I'm glad when we have the annual Burning Anus Hot Chili Festival that we have the Anus Fire Department available."

Councilwoman Amanda Smith says, "While I understand there is quite a rich history to the name, and it is quite a tourist draw, I'm getting pressure from influential constituents to try to wipe Anus off of the map."

Joe Trouble says he likes the honesty of the town's name. "I got sued by Anus Law Firm, but what can I say. Those buttholes really cleaned me out. Then when I went to confront them, I got picked up by the Anus Police. But the name of the town is refreshing, since every institution that was wronged me has Anus in its name."

Dr. Kevin Adams of Anus Memorial Hospital has plenty to say about the town's name. He says, "Our hospital doesn't just treat diseases and disorders of the anus, but often, visitors often ask us where the main hospital is. Then there are women who flat out refuse to have their babies here, saying they don't want our city's name on their child's birth certificate."

Patricia Frank, RN., a nurse at Anus Memorial adds, "There is no town nearby named Vagina, or expectant mothers would likely flock there, as it is preferable to be born in Vagina rather than be born in Anus. Still, it's good that our name is not Deep Schitt, since who would want their babies born there?"

A parent, Frank Jackson, says, "My son plays for the Watchers, and it is a shame how the opposing teams make fun of our players. So when they change the name, he will no longer be one of the Anus Watchers."

However, not everyone wants the city to change its name. Our crew passed signs saying, "Don't be a butthole, save Anus."

Another sign that could be seen on the way into Anus said, "The City of Anus wants you to get a colonoscopy and save your rectum and anus."

Janice Wild of the Anus Historical Society says, "We have a unique name, a unique history, and the name didn't originate as everyone thinks. Our founder was Andrew Ulysses Smith. Now, he had a twin sister named Amanda Ursula Smith. So to keep from being confused with her when he signed just his initials, he would include the second letter of his first name. Well, when he filed the paperwork with the state, he put his initials where the name of the city was to go, and the state accepted our name as Anus."

The town is to have a hearing about possibly changing the name by the end of next week.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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