Written by Purple Girl
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Topics: rape, turnips

Monday, 12 June 2017

image for Women's Groups want Rapeseed Renamed
Turnips have nothing to do with the crime of rape.

[PP] -- Major women's rights organizations want rapeseed renamed to prevent what they see as trivializing rape. Women First spokeswoman, Connie Lingus, says, "It's impossible for a plant to be raped. How can a plant know the horror of a crime that's committed against about 25% of all American women and 5% of American men."

A Rapeseed Growers Union representative says that there is no need to change the name of the crop, stating, "Our plant is named after the old Latin word for turnip and did not come from the same roots as the horrible crime of the same name."

Online users such as a user of a news site called Topix whose name cannot be printed due to vulgarity, have other concerns. "It is so ironic that the name of a plant which is used for making lubricants is also used to refer to a crime in which no such lubricant is used."

Congress is considering passing a resolution next week to rename the plant to "Oil Turnip."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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