Written by Purple Girl
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Topics: Police, vandalism, spots

Friday, 9 June 2017

Squaresville police are trying to figure out the meaning of what looks like a new form of vandalism throughout their town. Nearly everything is getting covered with spots. This was first discovered when police officers started getting calls about the spots, and as they approached their police cruisers, they found that their cars were covered with spots too. According to Captain Gregg Smith, "We don't know if this is a social meme, a single prolific vandal, or something greater such as a prelude to terrorism. When we catch whoever is responsible, we will certainly have a lot of questions for them, and likely charges."

Vandalism attacks on police property are not uncommon since some citizens feel that the police department has wronged them. Fires and vandalism of private property are not unusual either, and some of that is related to the recent post-election violence. However, in this case, it is widescale petty vandalism that does not seem to be connected to public disorder or retaliation, since the spots are nearly everywhere.

Some residents are getting fed up with this. According to Jennifer James, a local resident, "This is getting ridiculous! I asked my toddler to stand right outside the store so I could watch her, and I came out to discover she was covered with spot stickers. Then we walked home, and as our dog greeted us, we discovered that someone spray-painted spots on our dog. On our dog! How cruel! Then we spotted, um, noticed the spots that covered our entire house. Someone must be sick to do this!"

Not everyone has a problem with the spots. Frank Johnson, a local, says, "I know this is starting to be a pain for some people, but I think the spots actually give an otherwise boring town character, and local businesses have seen an increase in sales to curious people from out of town. So the spots cannot be completely bad."

Anyone who has information about this is asked to contact the Squaresville Police Department or call Crimestoppers if they see anyone doing this.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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