Written by ChicasGordas69
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Topics: Chris Christie

Thursday, 8 June 2017

image for Governor Christie awakes 200 pounds lighter!

Historically obese New Jersey governor Chris Christie awoke hungover and significantly lighter! The now surprisingly normal sized Christie came to in an Atlantic City hotel and was astounded to find himself having lost 200 pounds or roughly 350 Big Macs. His immediate reaction was to voice a peculiar concern: "I am upset that I am no longer a proper size for my yearly jabba the hut Halloween costume."

Further investigation revealed just how the lard disappearance came to be. It turns out that the NJ Republicans and US TV Doctors Committee both held conventions at Caesar's Palace last night. Representatives of both groups mingled after their respective meetings. Famed "Doctors" Phil and Oz can be seen on camera footage pointing at Christie and making jests throughout the evening. An inside source revealed that Dr. Phil bet Oz he couldn't perform liposuction surgery on an unbeknownst Christie by the end of the night.

Dr. Oz proceeded to buy the Governor several drinks and orders of chicken wings smothered in large amounts of blue cheese dressing. Hours later a dazed and flatulent Christie was wheeled up to his room by an assistant. Oz and Phil were spotted chuckling whilst trailing from a distance, then slipping into Christie's room.

Both Phil and Oz are known to carry Rohypnol (roofies) in case of emergency, so it is likely that they also slipped him a mickey. The surgical details are thankfully unclear at this moment. Popular opinion amongst the good people of New Jersey is split between arresting Dr. Oz and awarding him a medal. Christie was still in shock this afternoon as he entered his car with several candy bars in hand.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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