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Topics: Sex, Donald Trump, FBI

Friday, 12 May 2017

In a bizarre interview with Fox News, Donald Trump has made some astonishing revelations about his sex life, and admitted that James Comey's dismissal was a result of an embarrassing mixup.

The President revealed that he has used a number of nicknames for his member over the years, including Little Donald, Frederick Douglas, Mr Peanut and Mr Cummy.

He stopped calling it Little Donald in 2015 after it became confused with his son Donald Trump Junior. President Trump said to Fox reporter Jenny Tits, "I was having dinner with Melania and I said I'd like her to talk to Little Donald later, right, because that's my weiner. I like to call him Little Donald. But then she says, he's in California, and I was like no he's right here under the table. We argued about it for like three hours."

The President did not appear embarrassed to talk so candidly about his sex life. On the contrary, he was bragging that during the last year, he has been using the name Mr Cummy instead.

This led to the dramatic sacking of the head of the FBI this week, after Trump received a phone call from a member of the White House staff. Trump explained, "I was thinking about pussy and I said to myself in my head 'I want to fire Mr Cummy' because he's like a little cannon. I meant fire like in that sense. But then I said it out loud on the phone and the man on the other end heard me. So then the other Mr Comey got fired. It was bad. But my Mr Cummy was happy."

The controversial President then revealed more details about his relationship with Melania. "She has the nicest pussy. I call it 'Jina'. When I see Jina then Mr Cummy gets all hard like a peanut. Normally he's more like a raisin, but a huge raisin. The biggest raisin you can imagine. So I'm thinking to myself all day, Jina, Jina, Jina. I even met the President of Jina one time, that was a fun day. I said to him, where do you live? Do you actually live inside Jina? But he didn't answer me. It's weird to think that Little Donald might meet him in there."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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