Written by Aspartame Boy
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Tuesday, 9 May 2017

image for Now illegal to feed minimum-wage workers in San Francisco
Police spokesperson Kwight Phat suggested bring your unwanted table scraps to the PD station

San Francisco, California - Following the arrest of a score of tourists in San Francisco this past week, the city police department has issued a public service announcement reminding the public that it is illegal to feed minimum-wage workers on the streets of San Francisco. Officer Kwight Phat read the following announcement at a press conference today outside the courthouse at 2 o'clock to a small gathering of the press.

Considering that the streets of San Francisco are accumulating feces at an alarming rate, the feeding of minimum-wage workers is strictly prohibited. Feeding such workers is punishable by a prison term of no less than 10 years and a fine of €100,000 .

While it may seem cruel not to feed these starving people, they cannot afford to go indoors to relieve themselves. We have already had cases of very important people soiling their footwear due to the excrement. There's no need to be concerned with these minimum-wage people. The city is setting up aspartame feeding stations for these people. Since only pure aspartame is fed to these people they will not make any more messes. This will be the final solution to the problem.

The above announcement will be run on all local television and radio stations for a month until the public is fully indoctrinated by our corporate masters.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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