Written by President Bush
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Topics: Taco Bell

Thursday, 14 December 2006

image for Taco Bell Begins Offering Discount Headstones
Warning: May contain E. coli and be bad for your health!

Funeral costs can be quite expensive these days with the average price exceeding $14,000. Taco Bell, acknowledging that some of their patrons could, for lack of a better word, die from ordering a Burrito Supreme at Taco Bell wisely chose to go with the flow, stay the course and in conjunction with Granite Memory Headstones of San Diego offer 10% discounts on tombstones to any Taco Bell patron with a $3 purchase or a legitimate death certificate whichever comes first.

"I once almost died plum out on the floor from E. coli" President Bush admitted last week. Bush, however went on to admit that HIS E. coli poisoning was "his own doing" after he (Bush) stumbled home stone cold wasted as governor of Texas and thought his toilet bowl in the governor's mansion was a giant Pina Colada. Luckily Laura found him before he found the double chocolate surprise inside.

Taco Bell, confident that over 99.99 percent of the deadly E. coli bacteria is getting tired of living at Taco Bell eating Taco Bell tacos every day will soon get weary and head to greener pastures. One Taco Bell official (himself in serious but stable condition) said:

"There's always a McDonald's wherever WE are .. why can't those E. coli bacteria go there instead? Better yet, Church's Chicken where even the Salmonella bacteria, HIV virus's and raging CANCER cells refuse to dine at lest they "catch sump'n".

Granite Memory Headstones of San Diego, in business since Labor Day "struck a deal" with the Taco Bell chain whereby Granite Memory Headstones will drop 10% off the price of any headstone to any Taco Bell patron as long as said Taco Bell patron went to Heaven within 2 days after eating at Taco Bell .. WITH a purchase of $3 or more.

McDonald's denies rumors that a restless band of adolescent E .coli bacteria bored with the action at Taco Bell have already crossed the freeway, leaped the barricade and hopped into McDonald's McGriddle Mcgriddle.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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