After admiring the portrait of the 7th president, Andrew Jackson, that he recently installed in the oval office, Donald Trump proceeded to outline plans on getting rid of illegal aliens by a humiliating and heartbreaking redux of Jacksons "Trail of Tears" which forced southeast United States Natives in 1830 to march escorted by the army to reservations in Oklahoma. In that march, four thousand native Americans died from disease, starvation, and hypothermia.
"You're going to see a Trail of Tears like you've never seen before" he tweeted "It's going to be a spectacular march and I invite everyone to witness it on a National day of cleansing.
Trump plans on bussing every illegal immigrant he can find to the head waters of the Mississippi River in Minnesota. At that point the families will be forced into row boats payed for by the Mexican government. "With strong arms manning the oars and the current of April the illegals will be in the Gulf of their home country in no time" he tweeted
"Hopefully the working class Americans who have suffered hardships from these illegals" he later tweeted "who have stolen their jobs will line the Mississippi and wave bye bye at the flotilla, and if someone accidentally hurls a stone that connects to an illegal noggin or two, well so be it, the pain and humiliation of this event will keep these people where they belong: south of the border"
When opposition leaders and the press reacted with outrage suggesting he would be sending thousands to their death, Mr. Trump explained "Like Andrew Jackson before me" he said at a press conference at his vacation home on Mar-a-Lago "I seek to eradicate from this land non taxpaying, non-conforming Indians, let's face it, these people are Indians as much as the Cherokee are, sure there is some Latin blood in them…but the Latins are not what we are dealing with…today"
"I'm ending this conference now because since I mentioned South of the Border I have a real hankering for a taco. They make really, really, really, good Tacos at South of the Border"