Tampa, Fl - "Sudden Death Nursing Home" opened today and is admitting new residents. The owner is very excited to promote the first known sports-themed nursing home.
Owner Mort Fast tweeted, "We love our new name, not Sunset or October. Forget Autumn themes. Sudden death! Like basketball & football, how exciting!"
The entire nursing home is decorated with various sports memorabilia of great deceased athletes in ice hockey, football, golf, basketball and other sports that have a sudden death rule.
In a recent interview, Mr. Fast stated that for a nursing home to run efficiently, the residents cannot remain at the home longer than what they can personally afford, since state and federal aid provides just a fraction of the nursing home's costs associated with the resident.
However, at Sudden Death Nursing Home, resident turnover is expected to be frequent. "We have an up or out attitude," stated Mr. Fast, looking up to the heavens.
"My days here are numbered," one resident reportedly stated.
For more information, contact firstname.lastname@example.org.