Written by Dr. Billingsgate
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Thursday, 30 March 2017

image for Primate And Zoo Handler Say "I Do"
Jake The Primate

BILLINGSGATE POST: In a rare confluence of legal issues that point out the problems that ensue when there is a conflict with the Law of Nature and the Law of Man, the ACLU and the Lambda Legal Defense have agreed to defend the right of Jake the Primate to marry his cross-dressing zoo handler, Cornelius Hunnington III.

Mr. Hunnington, formerly known as Ms. Cornelius before his/her operation, met Jake in 2012 while feeding him bananas in the primate section of the San Francisco Zoo. Before the California Supreme Court directed the City to stop issuing cross-specie marriage licenses, Jake and Cornelius were united for life by Rev. Lactose Vermilion of the Church of Sexual Revisionism.

Their case has been consolidated with five other cases filed by anti-cross-specie groups trying to keep marriage solely between a man and a woman. A Bay area reporter spoke with a number of cross-specie couples who said that they and the defendants were united in the belief consenting adults of any specie must come together to fight for their right to say, "I do."

Although Jake the Primate was only nine years old when he took Cornelius for his mate, in wedding pictures he appears to be well beyond prepubescence as he indiscriminately displays his genitalia while wearing his leather cupless thong tuxedo. Whether a case of petophilia can be brought against Hunnington is being debated. Who knows at what age it is appropriate to monkey around with a primate? Eventually, the courts will probably decide.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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