Written by XRhonda Speaks
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Topics: White House, CDC, Rabies

Sunday, 26 March 2017

image for CDC Report Leaked: Rabies In The White House
President Trump has not yet addressed the news of a rabies outbreak at the White House.

A damning report on the spread of rabies at the White House compiled by the Center for Disease Control was leaked today and published by the NY times. The report details how people inside the Trump inner circle ignored initial warnings from CDC doctors and reality TV experts, resulting in further spread of the deadly illness.

The CDC is required to track serious diseases, including rabies, and the leaked documents highlight the agencies efforts in tracking the outbreak.

Starting in the summer of 2016, the CDC had identified three cases of rabies when doctors reported that they treated patients who worked in the Trump and Clinton 2016 presidential campaigns. One patient on the Trump campaign did not follow up on medical treatment and by February of 2017 there were four more cases of rabies all within the White House staff.

Unverified reports say the Russian diplomatic office in DC was also concerned about the spread of rabies within it's personnel last summer.

Because human to human spread of rabies has never been seen before, any explanation of the path of the diseases transmission this early in the investigation is still speculative.

Dr. Sadie Means, an infectious disease expert at Denver University Hospital, explained how rabies could have spread from human to human.

"We've only seen the spread of rabies through bites from an infected host or the eating of raw meat from an infected host. Since it's highly unlikely that cannibalism is happening at the White House, the most likely means of transmission is from bites."

The heavily redacted CDC documents don't reveal any names, but Spoof analysts thought Micheal Flynn and Paul Manafort could be the campaign staffers identified as patients MF1 and MF2. The Clinton campaign has been mum on the identity of it's infected staff member, identified in the documents only as HRC1.

Trump's White House staff is comprised of anti-science ideologues and it's no surprise they are anti-vaxxers, thus complicating efforts to slow the spread of rabies at 1600 Pennsylvania Ave.

Senator Lindsey Graham (R-Only Half Insane) has vowed to investigate former President Obama's involvement in the rabies outbreak.

"Our president believes his predecessor started the epidemic, and it's our duty to investigate these serious allegations."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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