US President Donald Trump has made another outrageous claim: His brain has been taken over by aliens. Speaking from the oval office while pounding his fist on his head yelling "stop it!" Trump imparted the following upon the press:
"It's just outright insane", started Trump. "I mean I feel like someone put a talking earwig in my brain. They just don't shut up. They will often times lock me out of my own brain and start signing all these crazy executive orders. I just don't know what to do when this happens. I always find myself banging on the neuron infested front door of my brain trying to get back in".
"I've tried to reason with them to no avail. They keep telling me they are here to make Donald Trump great again. Hell, I thought I was already great".
They spend most of their time in my frontal lobe, that's the area with the most amount of empty space. I can't take a nap like I could in the old days because they are always on the couch. They are fine until they start playing handball. The bouncing of the ball on the wall of my brain drives me crazy. Oh God! Here they go again!"
Trump once again punched his head several times while shouting: "Now cut that out!"
"I can't get them to leave I've tried everything. I even told them they were fired, which really backfired on me. They threw me out of my brain and locked the door so I couldn't get back in".
"The one good thing is they use the temporal lobe to have parties in and the parties are pretty wild. They even make the best bar-b-que I've ever had and trust me, I've had a lot of good bar-b-que in my lifetime".
"They pretty much leave the rest of my brain alone which is fine by me because I don't use those parts of my brain anyway. I really could do without those other lobes".
"They seem to be particularly upset with Barack Obama and they are channeling it through me. It apparently has to do with Obama's psychic Miss Cleo who told him aliens don't exist. Apparently the aliens are pretty upset about this and are using my brain to rollback all of his policies".
"I don't know how much more I can take of this. Just imagine sitting in a sandbox with 500 kids screaming and yelling at you. That pretty much sums it up. My hand is sore as shit from signing all of those executive orders too".
"I guess I should've put Bannon in charge of my brain, he would have stopped this from the get go".
As of press time Trump was seen trying to talk a doctor into giving him a lobotomy to get back at the aliens but the doctor refused telling him he has already had one.