Written by K.C. Bell
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Sunday, 19 March 2017

image for Trump: A Russian Impersonator

The news media has been ignoring the obvious truth since Donald Trump called Mexicans, "…rapists and murderers." The candidate was controversial, provocative and sold money making advertisement for the networks. Money talks, but were networks making deals with the devil?

But the guy in the funny hat and long tie, making all the voluminous and capricious statements just didn't seem to quite represent the correct candidate for any American political office. His rant was ad hominem: ugly face, low energy, little Marco, crooked Hillary. That wasn't the American way to debate. Issues were never debated. Follow-up questions dismissed as picky. Hate speech captured the mean-spirit of the electorate. Also got help from Putin.

Television news allowed Trump to call in every morning and ramble on and on about how brilliant and knowledgeable he was saying, "Trust me. I know better than the generals…" or "I'm smart, really smart, I know how to do things."

Not American.

Fareed Zakaria said Trump was full of bullshit.

Wrong.

The real Donald Trump is being held prisoner, living in a dacha in the outer reaches of Siberia, so far north that you can see Alaska from the outhouse. He was kidnapped after the Russian Miss Universe contest in 2013, is living on a diet of vodka, fish, prostitutes, Russian television, golf on the tundra, repairing the plumbing, keeping the sled dogs fed and praying daily to make it across the Bering Strait to Alaska and freedom.

He's skinny now, has six-pack-abs, shaved off the head crop, remains clueless about being elected president, thinks all of his investments have gone kaput, (frequently reminded of that evening at the Ritz Carlton in Moscow) but still wants to get the hell out of Siberia. Three prostitutes a day is turning into overkill.

How else could you explain the limited vocabulary of the present White House tenant and the repetitive use of superlatives? Second graders learned that hear has an ear in it, and you don't tweet: "I hearby..." instead of "hereby". A Russian mistake…

Comey has plenty explaining about how he helped elect a Russian as president.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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