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Tuesday, 14 March 2017

image for Local High School Student Suspended After Confusing Balzac with Ballsack
An artist's rendering of the ballsack

Sweatynton, NJ (Associated Press) An 11th grade student from Grover Cleveland High School was suspended yesterday after apparently confusing the name of the French author Honoré de Balzac with "honorary ballsack."

The student, whose name isn't being released because he is a minor, was given an assignment in his 11th grade English class to research and do a presentation on Balzac. However, when the student began his PowerPoint presentation, it was immediately apparent to the teacher and the other students present that the student had made an error. The first slide of the presentation was an enlarged photograph of the student's own scrotum.

According to the instructor, after projecting his first slide onto the screen, the student dropped his pants and stated, "It is a thrill for me to be recognized as having the honorary ballsack." While some of the students turned their eyes away, the majority erupted into loud laughter.

According to several of the student's classmates, he had duct taped his penis to his stomach in an apparent attempt to provide an unhindered view of his scrotum, and had a strand of red, white, and blue LED lights wrapped around his thighs. The teacher rushed quickly to the front of the room, unplugged the projector, and stood in front of the student in an attempt to conceal the student's scrotum and penis. It should be noted that the duct tape covered most of his penis so it was barely visible to onlookers.

Again, according to classmates, the only thing the student said was a confused-sounding "What?"

While Grover Cleveland High School officials immediately suspended the student and called his parents, it is unclear how they will handle this situation in the coming days.

The student was taken to Furry Ridge Hospital to have the duct tape removed.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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