Written by Huntley Brinkley
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Topics: Americans, clothing

Friday, 10 March 2017

image for Town Suspicious Of Man's Fancy Shirt
Steven Hoey and the shirt in question

DEVILS LAKE, ND - Reporting flagrant use of paisley and too many colors, residents of this quiet resort town have raised alarm at the bold fashion statement made by recent transplant Steven Hoey, seen last night wearing the flamboyant shirt. Local woman Leslie Linquist remarked "Some guys I know might wear stripes or plaid when they dress up, and I've even noticed a few floral prints," referring to the more familiar styles donned by most of the community's male population, "But this dude done took it to a whole nuther level."

"He definitely did not buy that shirt anywhere around here," confirmed Wal-Mart Manager Eric Lawson. "You wouldn't find clothes like that on any of our shelves. And don't forget to check out our clearance aisle today, up to 75% off."

Some are concerned that Hoey's wardrobe has become radicalized. "That garment was not made in America. You can tell by the extremist needlework," cautioned fabric expert Adele Mikkelson. Ranch Steakhouse owner Joel Elvrum described Mr. Hoey as "kind of quiet, you know, keeps to himself. So it was shocking when he walked into the bar dressed like that. And then he just orders a beer like nothing happened."

Sources at city hall revealed that officials are calling for a "total and complete shutdown of men's casual designer shirts…until we can figure out what the hell is going on." At press time, however, Hoey is unrelenting. He says "If they think that shirt was scary, wait till they see my red silk number with the embroidered dragon on it."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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