BILLINGSGATE POST: It was 1996 when Dolly the Sheep was first cloned by the CSOGBGW (Cloning Scientists Of Great Britain Gone Wild). Since then, attempts to make copies of Fahrenheit 911 producer, Michael Moore, have had mixed success.
The hog-jowled Moore presented a nightmare scenario for the cloning scientists. Fearing the worst, that another irascible Michael Moore might be more than the world could handle, they attempted to cross-breed him with Dolly the Sheep to suppress the genetic influence responsible for his malevolent spirit. Could there even be a possibility that Dolly was an unwilling participant in this experiment?
If these letters can be believed, the answer is PERHAPS. You be the judge:
Michael Moore..."I did not have sex with that sheep."
Dolly..."He promised me that he would make me a star. Then he left me wanting more. He never called, He never wrote. Now I feel so used and sheepish."
Smokey Shorts..."Hell, back here in Montana we would give Moore the Golden Hip Boots Award and put him in the Sheepsman Hall of Fame for servicing that lucky animal."
Dubya..."And Michael Moore thought I looked stupid in Fahrenheit 911."
The answer could be that Michael Moore might be a clone of himself. Our Senior Investigative Reporter, Detrick "Dirty Trick" Detwiler, went right to the source. Interviewing Dolly at her home in Herfordshire, England, Dolly said that when she was first introduced to Moore, she felt like she was being sheared naked by his piggish eyes. Feeling helpless and light-headed, she said she fainted into the straw bed beneath her. She woke up to the slobbering Moore giving her mouth to mouth resuscitation. Feeling the warmth of his humanity pressed against her alabaster loins, she fell victim to his charms and his promise to make her a star.
Who are you going to believe?
NOTE: Among Detrick "Dirty Trick" Detwiler's professional trophys is the coveted, "Who Are You Going To Believe; Me Or Your Lying Eyes Award."