Written by Jurgen Wolff
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Sunday, 19 February 2017

President Trump has appointed a plumber from Pittsburgh as the new head of the CIA.

Plumber Jack Bauer says he was surprised to get a phone call from the President. "He told me to defeat ISIS within 24 hours. He said I could do waterboarding."

"I told him I'd only done snowboarding," Bauer says. "He said that sounds even better. He said everything I do will be filmed and they'll put the film opposite anything starring Arnold Schwarzenegger."

When he found out the salary, Bauer decided to go for it. "I've used some pretty harsh chemicals in my job," he says. "Maybe we could spray them with those."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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