In a shock move, new president Donald Trump has banned all US citizens from entering the United States of America. He introduced an executive order today which repeated promises he made throughout his electoral campaign. In it, he explained that over ten thousand deaths a year in the US were due to random shootings by other American citizens. The only solution, according to Trump, was to "keep these dangerous people away from innocent Americans."
As a result, there has been chaos at airports all over the world. Any Americans who are currently abroad have been banned from returning home. One man, Wyoming Yank, was trapped at London's Ginger Airport. "I can't believe this. I need to get home to my guns, they'll be worrying about me. I can already feel my trigger fingers getting itchy."
Senator New York Jones was also affected by the ban. He was trapped at the Mexican wall (currently under construction) after taking a weekend break in Mexico with his mistress Veronica Veracruz. "My wife will kill me when she finds out," he said. "Which is actually ironic because that shows that Trump's order is working."
Politicians around the world were quick to condemn the President. French Prime Minister Garcon Garlic said, "Our airports are filling up with Americans, and we are rapidly running out of lard and cola to feed them. Please, Mr Trump, take your deranged gun-toting people back, we can't stand them any more."