Written by James Cavahl
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Thursday, 26 January 2017

image for Masochistic satire writer looking forward to another year of indifference to his work
I love the pain.

Seattle, WA - With 2017 in full swing, satirist Richard Collins is looking forward to another year of not making any money from writing articles for a minuscule audience.

"It's really exciting," said the 42-year-old office worker. "January's not even over yet and I've already written and posted six articles online that have been completely ignored."

Collins also enjoys the fact that even after years of writing satire he's still never been paid for it.

"I don't even get a few measly cents in advertising revenue from the websites I contribute to," he said. "It's completely humiliating, but there's a perverse pleasure in knowing that some other guy is raking in the cash from selling the ad space around the content I provide for free."

Collins wrote nearly two hundred articles last year, a personal record that he's determined to break.

"It's going to be tough to beat, especially since full-time work means I don't have a lot of spare time and energy to write. I'm determined to pass the two hundred mark though, even if have to quit my job to do it."

When asked how he would continue to write if he ended up an unemployed bum without internet access, Collins said he'd start scrawling on alleyway walls with a sharpie if he had to.

"I'd never let a little thing like becoming homeless in middle-age stop me from pursuing my passion. Even if I end up writing for a handful of drunken bums who can't read I'll just have to keep going, no matter how futile it is."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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