Written by mikewadestr
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Topics: satire, Witch, Forest

Tuesday, 24 January 2017

image for Witch Uses Gluten Free House to Entrap Children
I'm on a diet. I will only eat skinny kids.

Her walkway is lined with sugarless candy canes and her lawn is covered over with gluten free danishes. With the sides of her house made of non trans fat chicken fingers, a roof full of diet doughnuts and windows of sugarless sugar, the dimwitted witch who lives in the forest hopes to lure and entrap many children who get lost while roaming around the timber.

The witch who is better known as That Witch Who Lives in the Forest has changed course to take advantage of the health movement which is taking place in this country which unfortunately for her does not include children. She is hoping her change in culinary as well as the use of sugar free sugar in various candies will entice lost children to roam freely into her establishment of residence. She plans to only keep certain children to be used in her daily consumption while freeing the rest to spread the word of her tasty victuals and candy. She even has created fructose free fruits for those children who crave a more nutritious diet.

"All kids nowadays are concerned about their general health", claimed the witch. "I got the idea of going fat free by reading an article in the Turnip titled: 'Area Kid Really Hates Eating Sugar and Gluten in any Venue'. It was a very informative and wonderful article which really opened my eyes to just how much times have changed. Nowadays hardly any kids are getting lost in the woods because they don't want to eat sweets, either that or they are using the GPS functions of their I-Pads. I want to ensure some of them go home to their families and tell all their friends about all the wonderful treats they have found at my house. I'm just afraid so many of the kids will be enthralled with my set up that they will refuse to go home".

As of press time the witch did have two young children sample her wares and instead of staying they ran back into the forest screaming and throwing up.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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