Written by Chrissy Benson
Print this

Monday, 23 January 2017

image for Trump Dismisses Onion Stories on Presidential Election and Trump Genitals as "Fake News"
Blasting the Onion and fake news, Trump urged female journalists everywhere to "stop faking it."

Newly inaugurated United States President Donald Trump recently dismissed a series of articles published The Onion on the subject of Trump, his election, and the state of his genitals as "fake news, crafted by a bunch of nasty, mean-spirited bullies."

"Totally fake," reiterated Trump, blasting the Onion stories on his alleged immaturity, narcissism, deep-seated personal insecurities, and inability to sexually satisfy his sexually vibrant 46-year-old wife, Melania. "And not even funny."

Moments after dismissing the stories, however, Trump backtracked a bit, granting, "Well, okay, it is true that Melania's libido is a little over the top. But I am more than up to the task. Just like I'm up to the task of leading this great nation."

Trump took particular issue with a 2012 Onion story that referred to Trump's "aged, shriveled penis."

"My Johnson looks damn good!" asserted a defensive Trump. "Just ask any of those women whose pussies I grabbed. They'll tell you."

The U.S. president concluded with an overarching condemnation of not just The Onion but of the media in general, whose extensive, incessant, and unremitting coverage of Trump, many political analysts agree, was in large part responsible for Trump's eventual electoral victory.

"Fake news breaks hearts," declared Trump, going on to urge, "Female journalists everywhere, stop faking it! Believe me - with me, you won't have to."

Make Chrissy Benson's day - give this story five thumbs-up (there's no need to register, the thumbs are just down there!)

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

More by this writer

View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story


Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!


What's 5 multiplied by 1?

9 6 5 2
45 readers are online right now!

Go to top

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more