Moscow, Russia Russian head Vladimir Putin, or "Putey" as Trump refers to him, took to the airwaves to announce that there wasn't any secret party where Trump hired Russian prostitutes to urinate on the bed that Obama had slept in on HIS trip to Russia.
Translated from the Russian, "Putey" said, "Of course there was no party. I personally looked at the footage and listened to the bugs. If there had been such a party I'm sure I would have been invited! I personally interrogated the ones who did it and they assure me that they didn't."
Although it appears that Putin has helped Trump out of a tight jam, further communications seem to indicate that after making the statement, Putin's private number was changed and Trump has been unable to reach him. The White House has been forced to go through the Kremlin Switchboard and leave messages.