Written by Newsbreaker
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Wednesday, 18 January 2017

Being a redhead isn't easy. From being burned as witches, to being turned away from sperm banks and servers in Hawaii hesitating to serve spicy food to you, no one ever wanted to grow up to feel like the red-headed step child. Apart from the occasional fetishism of men for redheaded women, redheads generally struggle to find the same acceptance in society as their blonde & brunetted peers. Some claim their trait is even being naturally selected against in modern times.

A meeting of the Redhead Association of the United States illustrated the concerns of redheads in the nation. A major concern of the gathering in Prospect, Kentucky was how their people may have to adapt in an era with the name "Trump" branded all over everything in it. The people are hopeful for their sake as well as the nation's, that Trump will be successful in improving the quality of life throughout America.

Many however express serious concerns about how failures of Trump's administration might affect public sentiment towards redheads in general. They fear if Trump becomes an increasingly unpopular in his office, incidents of retaliation against redheaded members of communities may increase back in the directions of the levels that they saw in historic communities.

Some even contend that the Redhead community ought to take preemptively action in expectation that controversy around Trump might affect them.

"We need to become pillars of the community now. If we hesitate, we might find ourselves being hated by our blonde & brunette neighbors," stated a West Virginia man. "If we are hated again, who knows what hate will lead to. We need to improve our image now to distance ourselves from any negativity to surround the president."

We interviewed Augustus MacDoogal of Maine, who is the treasurer of the Redhead Association of the United States. He offered us insight into the redhead point of view, "I know every American has hope Trump will make life better. We redheads have a lot at stake in this presidency however. The Ancient Egyptians used to burn the redhaired to try to eliminate the trait. We've made a lot of progress to be accepted members of the community. Prejudice still exists however & we're concerned Trump might not make things better for us."

At about 2% of the population, many Americans are unlikely to have many redheaded friends or family. The community often can find itself alienated in ways the leads to situations in which they feel vulnerable or insecure. The group plans on organizing the Redheaded community in ways that will make depictions of redheads like those seen in Bo' Selecta! and South Park much less relevant.

MacDoogal added, "Gingers have been shown in scientific studies to be able to endure. Whatever hardships are to come for us in the coming years we will endure."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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