Friday, January 20th 2017 Donald J. Trump will be sworn in as the 45th President of the United States. The Trump Team is crafting quite a show.
Originally rumors hinted Mr. Trump would arrive at the White House by helicopter.
That plan came before the last week of controversies, including the release of an unverified intelligence dossier detailing multiple Russian entanglements and 60 Democratic Congress members boycotting the inauguration.
Issues already plagued the inauguration event itself. The Trump Team failed to secure A-list entertainment. People reported audience members hired to fill their seats. And the head of the D.C. National Guard had been asked to step down in the middle of overseeing security for the event, the moment the president elect took office.
The Trump Team's response to the negativity? Amp up the spectacle.
Trumps now arrives by yacht, The Golden Stream, on the Potomac River. From the yacht Trump will water ski, wearing one of Elvis' original golden costumes, up the river and perform a dangerous jump over an enclosed area where 15 sharks are swimming.
Trump spokespeople informed those reminded of a Happy Days episode where Fonzie jumped a shark that this in fact never happened, and they need to be more wary of liberal media lies. Besides Trump will jump 15 sharks, not just one.
From the river President Elect Trump will ride with a motorcade that includes 100 black SUV's with pole dancers on the roof. Over 2,000 Bikers for Trump will provide his protective escort on the road to the White House.
Side note: rumors that the shark jump will in fact be performed by Scott Baio wearing a fat suit and elaborate hair-piece persist.