Written by pinkwalrus
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Sunday, 8 January 2017

image for NYC's Annual 5th Ave Parades Rerouted
It's not wise to mess with a leprechaun

Due to presidential security concerns, multiple major New York parades will not be passing by Trump Tower on 5th Avenue during the course of his presidency. Security advisors deem it too unsafe to manage such large crowds in front of the President's part-time residence.

The alternate parade route will direct parades to take a right from 5th Avenue on to 59th Street, wrapping around Central Park.

An added feature of the new route is it will allow for the first family to sit on a golden dais constructed in the center of Columbus Circle to be saluted by all passing parade participants, if the first family should desire to attend.

The parades affected by the route change include:

  • the St. Patrick's Day Parade in March
  • the Greek Independence Day Parade in April
  • The March (for civil rights and gay awareness) in June
  • the Puerto Rican Day Parade also in June


Ardent fans of the first parade affected, the St. Patrick's Day Parade, are not taking the news well.

The Hudson River turned a brilliant shade of green despite the winter cold. Trump Tower staff have had to repeatedly remove leprechaun images from the premise, including small green plastic men that started turning up in the taco bowls. And there has been more than one individual removed by security from the site who claimed to be looking for his pot o' gold.

Officials still have hope that New Yorkers can adjust to the new reality.

And New Jersey Governor Chris Christie has offered to help manage any traffic problems that might result from the changes.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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