Written by joseph k winter
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Saturday, 7 January 2017

image for Senators McCain and Graham perform Russia-themed duet as ballerinas to packed house
This toy to each ticket holder

The Bijou Theater and Playhouse in the nation's capital reported a sold-out audience last evening eager to applaud the senators' performance (some audience also danced in the aisles).

The event celebrated and commemorated Friday's intelligence report to Mr. Trump.

Both senators appeared in immaculate white tutus and white pointe slippers, white stockings, with the addition of angel's wings.

The program, including free popcorn and cola, also aimed to support the Stand for Ukraine Act in making sanctions against Russia permanent from the 2013 conflict.

In the middle of the dance a group of children, also dressed in white, entered center stage to sing:

America, we know we're great
We've been so all along,
So take your choice
Of us or them
We're better and we're strong
America, America
We know we're number one
So Russia stop your hacking now
You know that we have won!

Applause at this moment was "deafening" and "the Bijou's roof lifted four inches."

Accompanying the singing, the senators joined in to a pas de deux, with adagio gradually transforming to allegro in the second stanza.

During the allegro both senators engaged in a series of jumps and swoops across the length of the stage, illustrating their joy.

Senator McCain offered a modified arabesque, right foot poised on left knee while extracting a small American flag from a rear pocket in his tutu.

Reporters for every mainstream news source covered the event and flashing camera bulbs flickered the entire evening.

CNN assessed the performance as "a magnificent celebration to start the new year."

The New York Times described the event as a fitting tribute to the intelligence done to expose Russia in "its recent efforts to influence the November election."

Honored guest Director of National Intelligence James Clapper received the spotlight at one point and rose to a standing ovation lasting five minutes.

Asked later what his confidence level was on the report issued Friday laying out the case on the culprit Russia and its evilness, Mr. Clapper replied "moderate."

According to an anonymous source from the intelligence community, "moderate" is worth a 75% figure if translated into numerical terms.

Since the FBI and the CIA estimates were "high," or 100%, the three agencies average out to 91.666 rounded to 91.7% accuracy overall.

This 91.7% is also roughly an A minus on the report's validity.

Senator McCain commented after the performance:

"Of course Putin directed the whole operation. We know this even if we're not yet at one hundred percent. As Secretary Rumsfeld once reminded us, 'The absence of evidence is not evidence of absence'."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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