Written by Newsbreaker
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Wednesday, 4 January 2017

Through the majority of his campaign, Donald Trump fired up much his supporters with vows to undo many of defining policies of President Obama's administration, policies such as Obamacare, international agreements, & not jailing Hillary Clinton. Little was said however of the policies of First Lady Michelle Obama. The first lady has made it a great passion for to make sure that Americans, especially children, eat healthy food & exercise.

It was made clear today that Mr. Trump's views on the matter runs at odds with the First Lady's however. Today he was interviewed on CBS This Morning and announced a stunning new policy platform. "Broccoli is not food. It never was & it never will be. Carrots - not food. There is no way you can tell me that these things Michelle wants us to eat is food."

Mr. Trump has been a broccoli-food denier for many years. He first spoke out against the validity of the broccoli-food claim when he was a young child. The broccoli-food debate nothing new to Washington either. While scientists insist that broccoli & carrots are indeed food many politicians have yet to reach such a consensus. Democrats feel that broccoli should be considered food while broccoli-food denial is still common to the Republican party. Surveys indicate many adult American men agree with Trump that broccoli is not food while women are more divided.

Trump defended that his position will help the fast food industry. "The fast food industry has been crushed by the reckless Obama policy on food. The war on food must stop! Fast food workers & potato chip makers are suffering because of Michelle's policies. Restaurants are closing down everywhere. I'm gonna put a Big Mac in every house."

Trump's first battleground is Sesame Street, "We gotta take back Sesame Street from these... these... well they're basically communists, Brian" Trump told Charlie Rose. "Cookie monster is a cookie monster. Not a freakin' veggie monster. I don't care what they say. I'm going to feed Cookie Monster cookies until he gets a diabetic coma. Oscar the Grouch, the one in the garbage can, I'm gonna knock down one of those brownstones, put in a McDonald's, & put Oscar behind the counter."

The president-elect also emphasized his political stance isn't personal, "I met Michelle. I love Michelle. She's a very nice lady. Very nice. But I disagree with her on many of her policies." He then went on to add, "Exercise is just a form of slavery. You do all this work & don't get paid. It's a hoax."

Working class Americans are excited Trump will fight for they're right to eat. "I heard he's gonna help us all get more Cheetos," a man from Louisiana standing outside Studio 57 said of his hopes for the future policy change. Republicans seem eager to further roll back Obama policies and Democrats have whined that Trump is just trying to further undo the Obama legacy. Mr. or Mrs. Obama have yet to make a statement. Before leaving the interview, the President-Elect saluted the camera with a double thumbs-up, smiled, and declared, "We're gonna make America eat again!"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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