Written by Richie
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Sunday, 1 January 2017

image for Trump eyes Moon
'I can balance the moon on this finger, and your mum'

In a shock revelation President-elect Mr Trump, has revealed his plans to launch an attack on the moon. "It's a beautiful place, truly, wonderful place, and it should belong to the greatest country on earth - America".

He goes on to explain that America was the first country to walk on the moon and as such is an extension of America soil, and that soil needs to be protected from ISIS.

A source in Washington has claimed that Trump plans to build frigging lasers capable of destroying entire countries. NASA is reportedly already converting the James Webb telescope into a nuclear catapult.

The Chinese have responded in a statement saying "have the moon, we will take Venus" while the Russian Foreign Minister said "it was a Russian man that was first in space, therefore the Universe is under control of Moscow"

British Prime Minister Teresa May has yet to issue a statement but a spokesman for the government said "we used all our petrol money going to India, we have no plans for space travel".

But that didn't stop German descendant Nigel Farage offering his thoughts, when neither asked or prompted. "I think I speak for the majority of the British public when I say we have had enough of these universal laws being forced onto us. It is time we have a referendum so the people can decide for themselves if they want to be held down by gravity or be forced to live side by side with the electromagnetic spectrum".

Secretary General of the United Nations Mr Ban Ki Moon posted on Twitter

"It's got my name on it, hands off Bitches"

In preparation for the attack Mr Trump has posthumously promoted Neil Armstrong to General of the newly formed, S.P.A.C.E (Super Powerful Ass Kicking Agency) and is currently seeking a tree that can talk and an angry racoon.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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