Written by That Guy
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Topics: Donald Trump, Wall

Thursday, 22 December 2016

image for Trump Makes Updates on Plans for the Wall; "Cut Off All Immigration," He Says

Today at 3:00, president-elect Donald Trump announced that he was going to make "bigly changes" to the wall. Mr. Trump's speech is as follows:

"Listen up, America, this is for you. Our border security is a joke. It's kind of like Hillary Clinton's campaign, not enough man power. But we are going to fix that. We are going to make bigly changes to the wall, bigly, I tell you, bigly. Not only are we going to build a wall, but we are going to build a great wall. It's going to be huge. It's going to be great."

Mr. Trump went on with the details on how he was going to improve the wall:

"We are going to beef up the Border Patrol. Let me tell you something, I was watching a movie about Alcatraz and how this dude got out by digging a hole in the wall. That gave me an idea on how the wall will be better. We are going to dig a great hole in the ground, 600 feet deep, we are going to fill it up with concrete, and then build the wall on it. That way no one can get under the wall with a tunnel."

Mr. Trump then went on to tell about other improvements to the wall:

"We also are going to build sniper towers on the wall, and that's where the border patrol Beefing up comes in. We will give every redneck in the southern portion of Texas and New Mexico a free rifle and a specific tower on the wall, there he will have 200 bullets per day. He will be given a $200 bonus for every drug dealer or rapist he shoots on official border patrol business."

He then went on to tell about his plans for those who are trying to immigrate legally:

"I was brought a question from my chief of staff of how i was going to deal with the legal ones. Let me tell you that I won't. We are going to cut off all immigration from Mexico. How are we going to do this? It's simple, Build a giant wall."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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