Written by Paul Blake
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Sunday, 18 December 2016

image for Max Headroom Remembers Dating iphone's Siri In College
Max Headroom was turned off during his 2nd season

Los Angeles, CA - Max Headroom never imagined that the girl he once dated in college, a nerdy know-it-all named Siri, would go on to become the voice of Apple's iphone.

We sat down with the '80's icon, who was dumbfounded by her success. "I j-j-j-ust can't believe it's h-h-her," said Headroom, in his stuttering voice, "She was completely a-a-a-nnoying." According to the futuristic talking head, Headroom couldn't stand Siri right from the first moment he met her. "I remember picking her up in front of her d-d-dorm room, and asking her where she wanted to g-g-go for dinner. She said, 'OK, here is a list of restaurants near you. Well, about a half and hour later, I'd listened to her recite every single r-r-r-restaurant within a thirty mile r-r-radius. Then I needed to put some gas in my c-c-car. My god, she listed every single gas station's price in t-t-town. I knew it was going to be a l-l-long night.

"I think we went to an Italian p-p-p-place, mainly because it was the first one on her list. When she was about to recite all the choices again, I stopped her and just picked the first one - Antonio's, fine. Then, during dinner, I mentioned I liked cooking. She went on to explain exactly how to make the perfect meatball, with every ingredient. Then how to make the sauce, the spaghetti... You just couldn't shut her up."

"Finally, I just started asking her impossible questions that she couldn't possibly have the answer to; pure gibberish that she could only say, 'I'm sorry, I can't seem to find what you are looking for,' which drove her completely nuts. I remember that was fun for me. I started cackling so hard that my lower jaw was killing me. In the end she blew a fuse, called me a 'big jerk' and stormed out of the restaurant. I never saw her again. The last I heard, she dropped out of college and moved back in with her parents. Now she's a big deal."

Asked if he himself owned an iphone, Headroom admits that he kind of tuned out after his show was cancelled in the late '80's. "Technology actually isn't r-r-r-really my thing. I'm happier to look things up in the p-p-p-phone book. I guess I'm o-o-o-old-school like that!"

"I will say that that was the very last blind date that I ever let my college roommate, A-A-A-ALF, set me up on. I wonder where that weird dude is these days?"

Well, Max, why don't we just ask Siri for you. Siri, where is ALF these days?

Turns out, she doesn't have an answer for that either!

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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