Written by Keith Shirey
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Tuesday, 13 December 2016

image for Trump To Personally Operate Drone Attacks
HAS ITCHY FINGER

During the campaign Donald Trump said he was going to "bomb the sh*t out of ISIS. Today he revealed that He would personally select targets for lethal strikes in places like Yemen, Iraq, and Syria.

He said he will cut down on his tweets and spend his evenings piloting each of the unmanned drones and choosing the right moment to pull the trigger.

"Remember, I went to a Youth Military Academy and learned great tactics and strategy. I also picked up practical military skills. That is why I know more than the Generals and the technicians who operate the drones," stated the President-Elect.

On the campaign trail he stated that he was going to kill the relatives of suspected ISIS members. "I will gladly carry out that promise, although my activities may be somewhat limited because I personally want to carry out torture beyond waterboarding," said Mr. Trump.

He concluded, "Part of the beauty of me is that I have the best brain and the best big hands to operate drones, torture and Make America Great Again," explained the future Commander-in-Chief.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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