Written by John Langlois
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Topics: Farmers

Monday, 11 December 2006

image for Star-Bellied Sneeches Protest NAIS
Up until now NAIS has only tracked 'standard' farm-yard animals like this cow

Washington, DC- A spokesman for the USDA noted today that "We have been informed by our secret sources that our National Animal Identification System (NAIS) has missed a group that we should have been tracking previously. Evidently "Star-bellied sneeches", those yellow creatures with green stars on their stomachs, were not listed in the roll call of animals that all farmers will be required to label with computer chips beginning in 2007."

Although most farmers find the NAIS idea to be an invasion of privacy, stupid and an economic burden that will do little to promote animal health, but a lot towards building government bureaucracies, they remain baffled by this latest government edict.

"Perhaps the government should audit "fantasy-land's creatures" before coming after ours," one farmer said.

When prompted by reporters that star-bellied sneeches were only the mythical creations of Dr.Seuss the spokesman said,

"That's the way those damn farmers always try to get out of doing what we command them to. First they say that they don't have any sneeches or sick cows, so we have to kill their cows and run some lab tests until we can manufacture some evidence. Or else, they hide their animals until we track them down with helicopters and force their neighbors to rat them out.

"Well, they are not getting away with it this time. We have in our hands documents that prove those sneeches are out there and if they are not registered according to NAIS standards, there will be hell to pay."

Up until now, the lack of media attention has kept the public unaware of NAIS and the dangers it poses to the small family farmers. (Large corporate accounts are exempt from NAIS because most have purchased the best Senators money could buy.) However, this latest round of confrontation has sent kids from all over America running to their local libraries to guard their fantasy treasures.

Many were dressed like sneeches or sporting T-shirts that read "Don't Snitch on the Sneech."

A government official observing the kid's protest march said, "Somebody better stop this. We can't have this level of civil disobedience."

A nearby farmer mumbled, "You ain't seen nothin yet."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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