Key West, Fl - Donald Trump announced today from Trump Tower that he has reached agreement with Russian President Vladimir Putin to build a 90-mile bridge from Key West to Cuba to be named the Castro-Kennedy Bridge. The bridge is expected to be completed in eight years.
Stated Trump, "This bridge becomes our symbolic gesture that we are going at this together. It creates thousands of jobs. I love Havana. I love Raul. I used to go to the Copa in Cuba so now people can bike there or take a taxi rather than fly."
When asked whether Putin is behind this new development as a return favor for Russia helping Trump win the presidential election, Trump adamantly denied the inference or Putin's involvement, stating, "Believe me, I've talked with Putin. He says I am smart. I am. But Putin had no intelligence. Russians have no intelligence."
In an apparent nod to Putin, however, Trump later tweeted, "The Red Scare is over, people, the Cold War is over. We need to work with our communists and show them the same support they have shown us."
Putin announced in Russian, "So great, now we can march right in whenever we want. Just like Crimea. Good work Donald Trump." In the Russan language, "good work" can also be interpreted to mean "you are a fool."
Cubans will be allowed to take the bridge into the US to visit relatives so long as they return in three days, are fingerprinted and carry a registration card. "Like fish and house guests, three days is enough," tweeted Trump after midnight and three drinks.
"Finally, a bridge to 'Somewhere'" tweeted Sarah Palin, in a not so subtle reference to West Side Story, which was actually about Puerto Rico, not Cuba. When corrected, Palin tweeted, "Political correctness is over everyone. Latinos are Latinos."
The Cuban people, who have little access to Internet and live with controlled media, denied the story. "I know fake news when I see it," stated one Cuban who asked not to be named for fear of recrimination.
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