Written by Dr. Billingsgate
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Tuesday, 6 December 2016

image for Trump Names Opossum To Replace Bald Eagle As National Bird

BILLINGSGATE POST: In a speech to loyal Iowa voters who came to hear President-Elect Donald Trump thank them for their vote, he mentioned that in his first 100 days he would replace the sad symbol of the American Bald Eagle as the national bird.

Since ancient times the eagle has been considered a sign of strength; Roman legions used the bird as their standard or symbol. In early America, the eagle went on to appear on official documents, currency and other government items. Since the founding of our country, the bald eagle has been an American icon.

Despite its symbolic significance, this majestic bird has faced the threat of extinction. In 1978 the bald eagle was put on the endangered specie list. Thanks to federal protection, in 2007 it was removed completely from the list. However, with the election of Barack Hussein Obama in 2008, the feathers of this noble bird started to fly, and it went through an identity crisis that left it completely vulnerable. As President Obama went on his international apology tour, our national bird lost his feathers, his beak was blunted and he could barely get airborne. By 2016, the majestic eagle was running around in circles, belying his soaring instincts as he groped for meaning in a world turned liberal.

Taking this into consideration, this morning in Cedar Rapids, Iowa, President-Elect Trump announced that it was time to complete the circle and throw the bald eagle out and replace it with the opossum. Commonly known as the North American opossum, it is the only marsupial found in North America above the border of Mexico. A nocturnal animal, it is about the size of a domestic cat.

Although most Americans might question naming a marsupial as the national bird, Mr. Trump points out that opossums also hang out in trees, usually by their tails. Often seen on the highways and byways as common roadkill, some pundits claim that under Trump's comb-over an opossum lurks; its beady little eyes staring out, acting as beacons for a man who needs guidance and direction.

LONG LIVE THE OPOSSUM!

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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