Washington, DC - While checking in at the White House, Donald Trump fell through a major crack in the Oval Office floor, getting his nose horribly out of joint after being trapped for over two hours.
Trump was unable to reach anybody for help by phone or Internet, since his staff had taken away his iPhone after countless irresponsible tweets.
An embarrassed Kellyanne Conway turned the other way and decided to be a stay at home mom that day.
The Secret Service was too busy building out two floors at Trump Tower and figuring out the millions of dollars in annual rent that the government must pay Trump to protect him and his family while they stay in New York City.
Melania Trump was in New York at Trump Tower with their son, and had not spoken to Trump for days. Trump's adult children were too busy deciding what conflicts of interest they can get away with while running the US government and Trump's businesses.
Former campaign surrogates Chris Christie, Rudy Giuliani, and Newt Gingrich are no longer on speaking terms with Trump, after being rudely passed over for cabinet positions.
Britain's Prime Minister Theresa May heard the news but did not send her well wishes until leaders from other countries with tighter alliances, like Japan, called first. The Chinese government, still upset over Trump's call with Taiwan, also refused to offer sympathy. Russian President Vladimir Putin was too busy giving a press conference and remarking about Trump's level of intelligence or lack of it.
All the people who voted for Trump were too busy scratching their heads, and the ones who did not were too busy laughing.
Trump blamed Hillary Clinton for the major crack, noting that the cracks she put in her ceiling from the floor below when she lived there has damaged his floor. But Hillary Clinton, with nearly three million more votes than Trump, was too busy unofficially recounting votes with Jill Stein to provide any comment.
In the end, it was President Obama who rescued Trump. Obama was relaxing with Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau smoking Cuban cigars and sharing a joint, remembering Fidel Castro, when they heard screams. In rescuing Trump, Obama tried to reassure himself, Trump, a shocked and nervous nation, and other skeptical World leaders, that any cracks in the floor are not so wide that they cannot be avoided with a little more practice walking the walk.
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