Written by Keith Shirey
Rating:
Share/Bookmark
Print this

Monday, 28 November 2016

image for Ivanka Trump Protects Demented Daddy Donald
TWO PICKLES SHORT OF A BARRELL

Kellyanne Conway and Donald Trump's daughter, Ivanka, have called in a hypnotist to Trump Tower. Ronald P Johnson, world-renowned hypnotist, posed as an investor to get inside Trump's office. Inside sources reveal that once there he hypnotized the Donald.

The purpose of the hypnosis was to instill two ideas in Trump's brain: 1) Do not tweet and 2) Don't invent conspiracy theories. Ivanka is said to believe that her father is going to look like an idiot when he can't deliver on campaign promises and that people, even his most ardent followers, will examine his tweets and public statements to confirm that he is demented.

The basis for the hypnosis is Trump's recent claim that millions of votes in the 2016 election were made illegally. Yesterday Trump tweeted that State election officials should investigate for fraud. But since it was revealed that the Clinton campaign is participating in Green Party candidate Jill Stein's recount effort in Michigan and Pennsylvania, Trump has reversed course and today tweeted that the vote should be respected instead of being challenged and abused.

"It doesn't make sense. If millions of people voted fraudulently as Trump stated, he would want to pursue large-scale ballot recounts and fraud investigations. Now he says he doesn't. Why? Because Hillary's doing it, so he contradicts himself. Happily, the porch light is on but nobody's at home in Trumpland. The supporters are dumb as posts as my grandpa would say and Donald's lies and reversals don't matter," supposedly said Kellyanne.

Trump has repeatedly come up with conspiracy theories. A few of them are that Obama isn't a citizen because he fabricated his birth certificate, Senator Ted Cruz's father was tied to the assassination of President Kennedy, Obama doesn't want to fight terrorism, Mexico is purposely sending criminals to the U.S., and Syrian refugees are only directed to GOP let states. But like the voter fraud issue he has reversed course and denied he ever held to some of these theories.

Ivanka reportedly told Kellyanne, "My father may have a failed Presidency but I don't want the public to know what he really thinks about things, if he thinks at all. "

"Yeah, honey, he's two pickles short of a barrel, but I think we can hide it. If he stops tweeting and going public about conspiracies it'll be ok. We won't hold news conferences so his exposure should be very limited," Kellyanne reportedly said.

When hypnotist Johnson was contacted for comment on whether the hypnosis will take effect he replied, "I doubt it. He kept repeating, over and over, 'Vladimir loves me, Vladie Loves me," when he was under hypnosis. I don't think he heard my suggestions, he's too narcissistic."

Make Keith Shirey's day - give this story five thumbs-up (there's no need to register, the thumbs are just down there!)

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!


More by this writer

View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story

Share/Bookmark

Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Email:

What's 5 multiplied by 5?

2 25 15 16
38 readers are online right now!

Go to top

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more