Written by Gail Farrelly
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Friday, 25 November 2016

image for 3200-year-old Egyptian Mummy Stuns NY Press
He needs new digs.

It was his first meeting with the press since being unearthed, and he chose the venue (Grand Central Station). He also chose the format. "I will be asking, not answering, questions," he told the startled crowd, continuing, "it's only fair that I go first; it's my turn. After all, I've been waiting a long time for this. At my next press conference, YOU get to ask the questions."

Some of his questions are listed below.

Where's the nearest Nathan's? I've been waiting 3200 years for a NY hotdog with mustard, relish, and sauerkraut.

Can anyone recommend a good real estate agent? I need new digs.

Where's the best place to buy an air-conditioner, a cellphone, and an iPad?

What's a trump?

Do I qualify for the Mannequin Challenge? I'd be a natural for that, having stayed put for centuries.

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Folks in the crowd shouted out answers to the above questions. But silence greeted the mummy's last question: "What's so great about King Tut? Who gives a fig about him anymore? He's so yesterday."

Yikes! Perhaps the mummy should remember what Shakespeare wrote in Othello:

"O, beware, my lord, of jealousy;
It is the green-ey'd monster, which doth mock
The meat it feeds on."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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