Written by Paul Blake
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Friday, 18 November 2016

image for Melania Planning First White House Garden And Fitness Program
It's The Front Lines For You Buddy!

Trump Tower, NYC - Melania is telling her new aids that not only does she want to help all of the ugly people of the U.S., but that she's also planning the very first White House garden. A nice place where fat kids can come over and they can all eat carrots and do jumping-jacks together to promote health and fitness, besides trying to be less ugly at the same time.

It seems her message still needs some hammering out, but aids say that the new boss doesn't want to hear anymore nonsense about Michelle Obama's silly little garden and fitness program. And when aids warned her that she might be making a similar mistake to her Convention speech gaffe, she said that her garden program will be so much different, because Michelle never really cared about the very ugliest. The First Lady-to-be stills sees a lot of very ugly people where ever she goes, especially at the campaign rallies. She plans to dig much deeper than her predecessor, finding not only fat kids that need to lay off the Pepsi, but reach out to the real troglodytes of society, like the ones she sees in all of the rally crowds.

She'll create a new cabinet position, The Secretary Of Yucky People, (tentative title,) who will be in charge of squads of fitness girls, stationed all over the country, showing up at malls, or dollar stores, or wherever the ugly hang out. She claims to already have her husband's rubber stamp on the idea, and says he plans to be very active in helping her find the right girls to staff the positions he'll put them in.

But aids say that the thoughtful humanitarian still claims to struggle at night with what to do about the incurably ugly; the ones that there is no hope for. She imagines that if she were one of them, god for bid, she'd want to be put on the front lines of the inevitable war that her husband will be creating sometime in the very near future.

So, fair-warning, to all you nose-warted hunchbacks--Melania is sending a team of hot, dancing girls to your town real soon, where upon, you will likely be gassed and wake up to find yourself in Uzbekistan.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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