Written by Amiko Aventurista
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Friday, 4 November 2016

image for Monica Lewinsky Leaked Hillary Clinton's Email Password
Monica Lewinsky

Today U.S. intelligence services confirmed Monica Lewinsky, the infamous White House intern whose sole claim to fame is having performed fellatio on President Bill Clinton, leaked Hillary's email password to Wikileaks. Intelligent source are 100% confident it was Monica and not Russian hackers as previously reported. According to Wikileaks founder and president, Julian Assange, Lewinsky approached him a year ago when it became apparent Hillary would likely become president. "Monica can't keep her mouth shut if you know what I mean. She figured out the password and I used it to leak 50,000 emails", said Assange.

According to Assange, Monica hacked into Hillary's email account after receiving a text from Bill Clinton. She told Assange Bill Clinton text her one night about 3 am. Amigo Aventurista confirms the text reads: "Hey, girl. Saw you on TV last night. What's up with your BBW self. Hillary is going to be president. In a year it could be like old times between us. Billy". Lewinsky reportedly explained to Assange that she doesn't want to do any more "favors" for Bill Clinton again. "I prefer Bill Cosby, at least I would be unconscious."

The emails between Monica and Assange show Lewinsky tried hundreds of possible passwords before she finally cracked the code, including:

AnthonyWeinerIsAWeiner
BernieSandersGetOutOfMyWay
ICan'tBelieveILossToABlackGuyNameBarrackHousseinObama
DoesThisPantSuitMakeMeLookFat
TrumpIsTheOnlyRepublicanIcanBeat

Assange and Lewinsky were both surprised the authentic password was obvious--MonicaSucks. "Really? Super boring! That's not even original. I gave her too much credit", said Assange.

FBI Director James Comey announced it has closed the email hacking case and will redirect agents to more pressing matters. "Sanders was right, enough about her dam emails. I am reassignment agents to higher priorities such as investigating Trump's assertion that Ted Cruz' father was the real mastermind behind the JFK assassination."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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