Written by Philip J. Moss
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Friday, 4 November 2016

[Associated Press, Washington, D.C.] FBI Director James Comey informed members of Congress this morning that he was expanding his investigation into e-mails, based on materials found on the laptop of disgraced former Congressman Anthony Weiner.

The materials include an e-mail from Trump to "Carlos Danger," the on-line pseudonym which Weiner used, in which Trump bragged about groping then-Senator Clinton when she and former President Bill Clinton attended Trump's third wedding, to Melania Trump, at the billionaire's Mar-a-Lago estate in 2005.

"There she was, her and Bill, smiling for the cameras, and all the time I had my hand on her ass," boasted Trump, according to Comey.

Comey went on to state that Weiner's laptop contained "sext" messages from Weiner to Trump, containing photos of a bulge in the former Congressman's tidy whiteys, and messages back from Trump to Weiner, containing photos showing Trump's tiny hands gripping a large zucchini.

Comey added that he, also, would be a subject of the ever-expanding investigation, because there were several selfies of himself on the laptop, including one in which he is posed sitting naked on a white horse with a garland of laurel on his brow, one of him dressed up to look like J. Edgar Hoover, in a dress, with the caption, "Infallible ME!" and a third one of him engaged in self-flagellation with a Cat'o Nine Tails.

"I deserved it," Comey explained.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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